Preparing your return from expatriation

For the majority of expatriates, humanitarians and accompanying spouses, returning home is the most complicated phase of expatriate life.

The main challenge is to find your right place at home, whether in professional, personal, social, administrative or family terms.

Everyone approaches their return differently. It all depends on the situation and the challenges involved: after a short or long period of international mobility, a chosen or imposed repatriation, with a clear or yet-to-be-defined professional project, a return from abroad solo, as a couple or as a family, a stay abroad in total immersion or in the cocoon of expat life, whether you're a humanitarian, an accompanying spouse or a working expatriate.

Whatever the situation, however, there are common challenges and feelings.

In this IN-DEPTH ARTICLE on your return from expatriation, I explain the main challenges involved and invite you to ask yourself the right questions to facilitate your repatriation!

Why is returning home difficult?

It's said that the return is the most difficult expatriation! Why is that?

Because returning to a country you know gives you a false sense of ease. You think you're going back to the way things were before, and you probably think you know your destination pretty well.

However, the problems most often mentioned by the expatriates I accompany are:

Administrative headaches when they're out of the administrative loop and they don't tick any conventional boxes.
Professional reintegration, especially when the return is not linked to a new job, when the next step has not yet been defined, or if the return is temporary.
The feeling of being out of step with their personal and professional environment in their country of origin.
The impression of abandoning those they leave behind, the frustration of leaving a project in progress, the guilt of leaving a team or friends behind.
The return to a “normal” life, nostalgia for a way of life and extraordinary work in the field, the difficulty of finding one's rightful place at home, the fear of becoming bored or having less impact.
Educational challenges for their children: finding a school suited to their schooling abroad, supporting their integration as Third Culture Kids (TCK) in their country of origin, which they know little about and often idealize.
The financial aspects with the loss of a certain financial comfort, the change in status, the higher cost of living.
...and many others, depending on the situation.

Repatriation requires anticipation and preparation.

Returning from abroad should be seen as a stage in the expatriation process. As such, it should be prepared in the same way as a departure abroad! And yet, this phase of expatriation is often neglected, or even forgotten.

The key words for a successful return from abroad are: ANTICIPATION AND PREPARATION!

In terms of timing: the sooner, the better! Whenever possible, six months in advance. This gives you time not only for logistical preparation, but also to anticipate everything that's going to happen on a personal, professional, psychological and emotional level.

For this preparation, don't hesitate to define an action plan, a roadmap.

Throughout this article, I invite you to ask yourself the right questions to help you anticipate and prepare for this return back in your home country.

Questions to ask yourself in terms of anticipating and preparing for your return:

What support do I need to prepare for certain aspects of this return?
What aspects of this return must I anticipate?
When and how will I prepare for this return?
In what form and how will I define my action plan or roadmap?

The return has an impact on all areas of your life.

As with a new expatriation, returning home impacts every area of your life: change of job, status, identity, environment, habits, hobbies, social network, support system, living comfort, family or couple dynamics, and so on.

As such, repatriation can be considered as a major life transition, because it includes huge life changes!

When thinking about your repatriation, I bet your first thoughts are of your new job, home and surroundings. Yet, along the way, you may forget other areas that are just as essential. Perhaps you're even downplaying the importance of (re)finding your feet and establishing new habits that support your well-being and fulfilment.

To make a successful return back home, it's crucial to take a holistic approach and make sure you take stock of how to meet your needs in every area of your life.

Questions to ask yourself about the impact of your return from expatriation:

What areas of my life may be impacted by this return?
Which ones do I want to prioritize?
Which ones should I take care not to neglect?
What do I need in each area of my life when I return?

Approach the return like a new expatriation.

When you return home, imagining you'll be back to your old life, you run the risk of being disappointed. It’s important to see this return as a new expatriation: with the same curiosity and open-mindedness as when you're trying to integrate into a new country and culture. Why?

Firstly, because, as we'll see later, you've changed on expatriation! And secondly, because in your home country, your environment and the people around you have changed too!

What's more, this return is often idealized, generating very high expectations as to what you want to return to and how you perceive this return! Above all, don't expect it to be the same. On the contrary, see it as an opportunity to return in a different way!

Depending on your experience abroad and the context from which you return, there's also the risk that the intensity of things experienced abroad will give you the impression that your “real life” was on a mission, in the field.

Sometimes, it's hard to live this great gap between two worlds. For example, the nonsense of a consumerist society, the superficiality of people's complaints in your home country, finding everyday life bland once back home, etc.

We tend to be more tolerant of the daily worries of another culture than those of our own country! The trick is to avoid comparisons and “it was better over there”!

It's important to stress that you don't need to recognize yourself in your country of origin. What you do need is to adapt again.

For all these reasons, it's key to approach your return home as a new expatriation, with the same curiosity and desire to discover, understand, adapt and assimilate as you did during your first expatriation.

Questions to ask yourself to adapt to your return:

Who am I when I return, apart from my expatriate or humanitarian identity? What will my identity be when I return?
How can I approach this return as if it were a new expatriation?
What will I have to adapt to?
How can I let go of the things I dislike and find frustrating?

Repatriation involves reverse culture shock.

The return is often dreamt and imagined: getting back to a “normal” life, spending more time with your loved ones, taking advantage of what's working well, getting back to the good food of home, reconnecting with the routines of yesteryear, and so on.

As already mentioned, this creates a lot of expectations, whereas the reality is often quite different. Going home is fantastic when it's a vacation. However, when the return is definitive, another reality can quickly catch up with you!

The discrepancy between expectations and the reality of returning home can provoke feelings that are part of reverse culture shock.

Reverse culture shock is the disorientation you feel when confronted with a way of life with which you are no longer entirely familiar. It's often a surprise when you return home!

To find out more about reverse culture shock, check out this video: the stages of expatriation and repatriation.

Questions to ask yourself about reverse culture shock:

What are the phases of reverse culture shock? How will I deal with them and normalize my feelings?
What are my expectations, and do they match the reality of what I'll find in my home country?

The logistical and administrative aspects of returning from abroad.

Preparing your return in terms of logistics and administration is unavoidable. It's often the first thing you think about: finding accommodation, choosing a school, clarifying tax and insurance issues, organizing the move, and so on. This is often baffling.

Administrative and logistical questions to ask yourself:

Where do I want to live when I get back? Do I already have a place? Should I look for one? Is there a temporary solution? What are my needs in terms of physical environment since my expatriation?
How will I get around? Should I buy or rent a car? Is public transport available for the first few weeks?
How do I organize the move? Choosing a carrier, clarifying administrative and customs formalities.
What are the key appointments to organize for the return trip: medical, administrative, school, professional?
How do I manage the financial aspects? What's my budget? What are my moving expenses? What is the cost of living? Do I need to include school fees (if the children are to remain in the private system)?
What are the tax and administrative implications? Where can I find out more? Which professionals should I contact?
What services and resources are available to help me prepare for my return?
What specialists, associations or support groups for returning expatriates can I contact?

Professional integration once back from expatriation.

For some, the return is linked to a new position, whether with the same or another employer. For others, it's a return to their former job. , before leaving on expatriation.

However, it's also possible for the return to take place for other reasons, without a job! For example, if your contract abroad was for a fixed term and you find yourself either waiting for a new position or without a position at all! Or if you're an accompanying spouse and your return involves re-entering the job market after years without a paid job. In that case, you'll find yourself in the process of job search, job hunting.

Whatever your professional situation, there are several questions you need to ask yourself beforehand.

And as the questions below suggest, it's crucial to start by clarifying your professional project on your return. On expatriation, you've changed, you've worked differently, often with more independence, and you've developed new skills too! It's important that you clarify what you really want (and don't want anymore) professionally.

Questions to ask yourself when you're looking for a job:

What may be my next career chapter? What do I want? What type of position or job? What are my short- and long-term goals?
How can I make sure that the skills I developed on expatriation are used in my new job, so that I don't get bored?
What do I have to offer and how can I make the most of it? What are my assets, talents and skills? How can I translate and promote them in my home country?
How can I communicate about my professional experience, what I'm looking for and my profile?
Are my application tools up to date?
How can I reactivate and develop my professional network? Which associations or professional groups should I contact to facilitate my return? What's my plan and pitch for getting back in touch?
How do I get into the local job market? What particularities should I be aware of? Where can I get information?
Am I entitled to unemployment benefits? What are the conditions? When do I have to register at the latest?

Questions to ask yourself when your job is secured:

What are my needs, desires and skills today that I want to activate in my next job?
How can I make sure that the skills I acquired abroad will be used in my next position, to avoid boredom?
What are the potential challenges of returning to my previous job?
If I join my organization's Headquarters, the nature of the work is different from that in the field. What will be the differences at work? Will I lose my independence? What are my strategies for adapting? What adjustments do I need to make?
How can I reactivate my local professional network? Who are the key people to inform about my return and to meet?

If you'd like to prepare your professional return to your country of origin, you should know that as part of my TRANSITIONS coaching program, I regularly accompany expatriates, humanitarians or accompanying spouses who wish to prepare their return home professionally and in a holistic way. If you wish, you can contact me to discuss it.

The family implications of returning from an expatriate life.

When the return trip is a family affair with children, it's essential to prepare for it with the whole family!

Depending on the age of the children, they will be informed of the departure sooner or later. They will be more or less involved in the planning and preparation of the return trip.

Many parents ask themselves what the best way is to prepare them, but it turns out to be a very personal question. It all depends, on family dynamics, the age and personality of the children, the context and many other family factors.

Questions to ask yourself to prepare your children for this change:

When and how should they be informed of the departure?
What do they need to say goodbye to their friends (parties, words, photos, visits)?
How can I help them make friends once they're back (organize tea parties, join groups and activities they enjoy)?
What are the best choices and possibilities for ensuring continuity at school (private school, returning to the national school system)? Is the return definitive or potentially followed by another expatriation?
How can I support their feelings and emotions?
How can we help them integrate, now that they've become Third Culture Kids and don't have the same codes?
How can we prepare them for this dream return, which may turn out to be more complicated than expected?

To return home, you must leave well your expat behind.

To return home with peace of mind, you need to make sure you've left week your host country, and indeed your expatriate life in general.

Taking stock of your experience abroad

To begin with, this departure is the perfect opportunity to take stock of your experience abroad. You can savor the good times and learn from the challenges.

It's also a good idea to avoid thinking of it as the end of an adventure, and instead to see it as the start of a new adventure.

As you now know, returning home is part of the expatriation experience! It's not a parenthesis that closes, but a continuation of your life. And who knows what will happen when you return?

Questions to ask yourself when taking stock:

When and how will I take stock of my experience abroad?
How do I fit this experience into my personal, family and professional life?
What did I learn from it?
What would I like to take with me and keep with me once I'm back?

Saying goodbye!

Saying goodbye seems obvious! Yet this crucial step is often neglected. Sometimes for lack of time, sometimes because it's hard to say goodbye.

Yet saying goodbye is a great opportunity to pass on messages of gratitude and further strengthen friendships. Everyone does it in their own way, whether it's with a big party, a tête-à-tête, a letter or a gift!

Before or during the 'good-byes' is also a good time to clarify how you want to keep in touch with your friends and colleagues. Cultivating long-distance relationships is an important issue that requires a little anticipation and preparation!

For some people, it's also important to say 'goodbye' to places! Revisit a place you're particularly fond of one last time, take photos, anchor certain memories!

Questions to ask yourself for a successful goodbye:

How am I going to say goodbye to my loved ones, colleagues, neighbors and other key people?
Is there a place I'd like to see again before I go?
Are there any photos I'd really like to take before I leave?
Who do I want to keep in touch with, and how often? Social networks? Regular phone calls? WhatsApp groups? Email? Visits or planning vacations together?

Clarify your needs, desires and priorities regarding your repatriation.

Expatriation gives rise to a reshaping of your identity: you have changed in expat!

Expatriation gives rise to a reshaping of your identity. Since your departure abroad, you've inevitably changed as you've encounter new experiences, values, lifestyles, cultures and challenges. As a result, when you return, you won't be quite the same!

What's more, you've also added a new international and/or humanitarian component to your identity. Today, that's part of you too!

Moreover, expatriation has certainly given you a great sense of freedom. You got away from the gaze of your environment, family, colleagues and friends. You were able to reinvent yourself a little, a lot, even madly.

You may even have discovered facets of yourself you never knew existed. You come home a changed person!

Reinventing yourself on return from expatriation

When you return, you'll also have to reinvent yourself, this time in a context where you already have labels, in an environment where you're seen as you were before.

The challenge is therefore amplified: to emancipate yourself from the gaze of others, to assume the identity acquired during expatriation and to find your rightful place in your country of origin.

That's why, when you return home, you often feel out of step and find yourself not only a “stranger at home ”, but also a “stranger to yourself ”.

When we return home, we have to go through the same process of decoding, adjusting and adapting to an environment that is culturally different from what we have become individually.

As a result, your needs, desires, expectations and priorities are probably a little different today!

Before returning home, it's vital that you ask yourself some fundamental questions about your current identity! questions fondamentales sur ton identité actuelle !

Questions to ask yourself about your current identity:

What is my identity today? Who am I today? How have I changed during my expatriation?
What do I need? What do I want? What are my priorities?
What are my values, strengths, passions, interests, aspirations, skills and beliefs?
What are my expectations for this return? What do I hope to achieve? What do I hope to return to?
What new routines, hobbies and activities do I want to introduce to make me feel at home?

Redefining your relationships with loved ones back home.

Feeling out of sync with your loved ones back home.

Many expatriates report that one of the biggest disappointments on their return is the disconnect they feel with those close to them, whether friends, family or colleagues.

The people around you don't always understand what you've been through. You may even feel that your experience abroad is of no interest to them!

Your need to belong is turned upside down.

One of the fundamental needs of every human being is to belong. We all feel a strong need to be part of a group, a community!

On expatriation or in the humanitarian sector, this feeling of belonging is often very strong. You quickly build up a circle of friends who act as both social connections and support systems! You create a family, a tribe on the spot.

But when you return, it's common to feel a certain distance from those back home. You may feel that you're no longer totally part of your group of friends and loved ones.

You need to find your place in your 'old' social group.

Accepting and mitigating the gap you feel with your loved ones back home.

The extent of this gap depends on the relationships you've built up during your stay abroad. If you've regularly shared your experience and exchanged ideas with your loved ones back home, it can be minimized.

However, this lag is normal, for several reasons:

As mentioned above, you've changed over the course of your expatriation! You're not quite the same person, so you approach your friendships from a different angle!
Whatever you think, your loved ones back home have changed too! They're not necessarily the same people they were before you became an expat!
Not everyone will be interested in your experience! If you put yourself in their shoes, it's hard for them to connect with your experience, since they don't have the same background! They may be a little uncomfortable about what attitude to adopt towards an experience so far removed from their own. What you interpret as a lack of interest is probably their discomfort and shyness towards your life, perceived as atypical, even extraordinary. They're probably wondering whether you still find them interesting!
It's difficult for your friends and family back home to understand why and how your return is difficult for you! They think you're just happy to be back. Some of them take it personally, or badly, that your return may be difficult for you.

The need to redesign your relationships with others

It's not possible to resume your friendships exactly as they were before. You're going to have to redesign them a bit!

To do this, you need to accept that it's okay not to understand each other on everything! Friendship is also about accepting our differences.

The key here is not to hold on to the impossibility of communicating about your experience, but to hold on to what forms your friendship.

To redefine these friendships, it's important that you prepare yourself to:

Assess whether your expectations of your loved ones are realistic or too high: What exactly do you want from them? And what do they expect of you?
Don't assume that nothing has changed for them. Take an interest in their lives and challenges, listen with empathy and curiosity about their concerns and what's important to them in their reality (knowing that it was important to you before, or that things have changed: cost of living, insecurity, jobs, etc.). Adapt to who they are today. Just as you did as an expat.
Think about the need to protect your loved ones in relation to what you experienced on your mission. Particularly if you're in the humanitarian field, but not exclusively. Be careful not to devalue the reality of your life or that of others. Some people close to you may feel guilty comparing their lives with those of the people you've worked with, or their work with yours.

Create networks of friends who share similar experiences

In addition to your 'old' circles of friends, think of other ways to fulfill your need to belong.

You can create additional circles of friends by also surrounding yourself with people who have been through similar experiences, who understand the world of expatriation, the humanitarian sector, the difficulties of returning.

It's a way of connecting with other expatriates or ex-expatriates, other humanitarians or ex-humanitarians, other accompanying spouses or ex-spouses of expatriates.

Having several groups of friends and networks allows you to cultivate an enriching social life.

Questions to ask yourself to cultivate your friendships and nourish your need to belong:

What are my expectations of my loved ones? Are they realistic?
What do they expect of me? Can I meet them?
How can I renew and solidify my friendships on my return? In what way (one-to-one, a big party, coffee or meals, etc.)?
How can I explain to my loved ones who I am today?
When and how do I communicate my needs, desires and priorities? ?
How can I talk about my experience in a clear and accessible way to avoid creating a gulf of misunderstanding? With whom can I share this experience in detail, and with whom should I wait?
How can I create a network of friends who understand my experience? Are there groups of other expatriates or inpatriates where I'm going?

Taking care of yourself (too) on your return

As you'll see from this article, you mustn't underestimate the various issues involved in returning home.

It's important to recognize that returning to your home country can be difficult and, above all, physically, mentally and emotionally draining.

To ease your return home, it's essential to take care of yourself too. You can plan some time for yourself, even a vacation, from the very first weeks back. Plan activities that feed your energy and recharge your batteries. Prepare yourself to say no to the sometimes-pressing demands of those around you, when everyone wants to make up for lost time. Clarify the routines you want to put in place as soon as you arrive to anchor yourself in your new life.

A few questions to ask yourself to take care of yourself on your return:

What does my agenda look like when I get back? Is it already completely booked? What can I do to lighten it and preserve some time for myself?
What do I need to feed my energy?
What activities do I want to focus on to recharge my batteries?
When and how can I plan to rest on my return?
What are my priorities, and how can I make sure that other people's priorities don't interfere with my own time?
Who are the people I can talk to about my emotions and feelings about this return?
What routines, habits or activities do I want to put in place as soon as I return, to regain a sense of normalcy and take care of myself?

Don't be left alone to prepare your return from expatriation

Throughout this article, you'll have understood that returning home requires preparation and anticipation. Even more so as it impacts every area of your life and causes major internal upheaval.

To prepare for your return and ensure a smooth landing, it's crucial not to try to do everything on your own. Make sure you surround yourself with the right people. t’entourer des bonnes personnes.

This can take different forms, depending on your needs:

Joining expat groups back-home or on social medias.
Contact former expatriates for advice and tips on returning home or arrange meetings to discuss your respective experiences.
Ask your employer for support in certain aspects of your return.
Seek advices from professionals to help you with the administrative and logistical aspects (tax advisor, insurer, moving company, etc.).
Ask professionals to help you prepare for your return on a professional, personal, psychological or emotional level (coach, therapist, counselor).
... or any other form of support that suits you.

Conclusion on returning from expatriation

In this article, I offer several tips to help you prepare for your return from expatriation!

I’ve personally spent 5 years back home (in Switzerland). At the time, I didn't know everything I know today and everything I'm writing about in this article! I made a lot of mistakes that certainly complicated my return!

When I went back on expatriation, I realized just how much I had underestimated the challenges of returning.

My hope is that this in-depth article will provide you with a good deal of information to help you prepare and anticipate your return from expatriation.

If you'd like to take things a step further and have someone accompany you, my TRANSITIONS program is ideal for facilitating your return back home, with all the personal, professional and family transitions that this entails. This program is tailored to your needs, whether you're an expatriate, a former expatriate, a humanitarian or an accompanying spouse, and to your situation, whether you're solo, as a couple or family, whether you already have a job or need to re-launch yourself on the local job market, and so on.

If you'd like to find out more, make an appointment with me for a free, non-binding introductory session. We can discuss your situation together and assess whether my program is right for you. I book an appointment with Nancy.