30 years of expatriation: journey and lessons learned

I’m celebrating 30 years abroad! I’d never imagined I’d accumulate so many years abroad! Not to mention the fact that it hasn’t made me any younger!

To celebrate this milestone, I thought I’d revisit my journey and take stock! I’ll tell you all about it, or nearly all!

You can either listen to my video on Youtube (in French with English subtitles) by clicking here on VIDEO YouTube or read my article below!

My life as an expatriate child

When I talk about my 30 years as an expatriate, I don’t include my childhood. However, before moving to Switzerland with my parents and my little brother at the age of 4, I was born in Congo-Kinshasa and lived in Germany.

Those early years shaped my destiny, because by the age of 8 I already had a plan: to become a teacher and move to Africa!

I often say that, like Obelix, I fell into the expatriation pot and it influenced my destiny!

Lessons learned

As far as I’m concerned, my childhood was clearly the driving force behind my decision to work abroad. Having accompanied many expatriates since then, I know that the motivations that drive us towards international mobility are as diverse as they are personal!

My first expatriation at the age of 21 in the field of international solidarity.

In 1994, with my elementary school teacher’s diploma in my pocket, I started looking for a humanitarian organisation that would be prepared to send me to work in Africa.

I had the incredible privilege of being given my chance by DM, even though I was only 21 and had no real professional experience! I was sent to Madagascar for a year and ended up staying there for 3 years.

I discovered the world of international solidarity and development cooperation, taking part in various educational projects at both local and national level.

Those were the days before the internet! We wrote letters to each other that took 3 to 5 weeks to reach their destination. I could only afford to call my parents for 3 minutes once a year.

I was a teacher, giving French lessons in a school with 1,100 students from nursery to high school. It was the first time a foreigner had worked there and I was the only white girl in the town. I was living in very local and rather rudimentary conditions!

At first, when I went into the classrooms, the youngest children would cry when they saw me, thinking that the ‘Vazaha’ (foreigner) was going to eat their ears! But very quickly I was integrated. When I went to the market, the children would greet me with ‘Hello Nanchy!

Lessons learned

As you can imagine, I had a unique experience. It was an expatriation like no other, where I lived alone, totally immersed in the local culture.

I had to learn to integrate, to be accepted and to create a social and support network despite my differences! I had to adapt to very basic living conditions. I also had to adjust my way of teaching to local realities with classes of 50 students and few resources.

The experience was so formative that it gave me invaluable self-confidence. I learnt an enormous amount from others and, above all, about myself! I realised that I had a great capacity to adapt!

I have fond memories of this period and I hope that all young people will have a similar experience at least once in their lives!

My second expatriation and a professional reconversion in the field of music.

In 1997, I decided to leave Madagascar and move to Bordeaux in France. I joined my partner at the time, a Malagasy artist! I became an impressario, stage manager and press officer for professional musicians.

I entered a world that was totally unknown to me! I was employed by an association that produced various world music groups. I worked backstage at small and large French and European festivals, met celebrities, worked for the Pink Martini, accompanied artists on TV shows, radio programmes, recording studios and… at the Victoires de la musique in Paris.

As is often the case in this field, I’ve also experienced financial instability, working odd jobs and struggling to pay my bills at the end of the month.

Lessons learned

Living in France didn’t involve any major cultural adjustment. On the other hand, for me, who had always wanted to be a teacher, here I was already changing jobs and my professional environment!

I learned to listen to my heart rather than my mind. I understood the importance of daring to seize opportunities, even the most unusual ones. I realised that anything is possible as long as you trust yourself and are prepared to step out of your comfort zone. That’s what led me to live a life I’d never imagined!

I realised that I had real organisational and interpersonal skills, which are absolutely essential for working with artists. I’ve also learnt how to get by and understood that precariousness is a situation that can happen to anyone, at one time or another in their life!

A career change: 10 years in humanitarian aid in emergency contexts.

In 2000 (after breaking up with my partner at the time), I felt the need to return to humanitarian work abroad! I applied to several humanitarian organisations and it was the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) that hired me!

I worked for the ICRC for 10 years. In the field, I lived in Palestine, Chechnya, Congo, Sudan and Iraq. I learned a whole new profession in contexts with difficult security conditions. I became passionate about programs to protect the civilian population, and in particular visits to detainees. I discovered the world of prisons, the complex realities of people living in conflict zones and humanitarian action in emergency situations.

It’s been an exciting life, with many difficult moments. I’ve witnessed situations that were both sad and intolerable. I was afraid for my colleagues, the population and myself. In one context, I could only move around accompanied by armed guards, and in others I had to deal with security incidents. I learnt how to negotiate and dialogue with parties to a conflict. I experienced some surreal moments, which only those who work in this sector can truly understand.

My career at the ICRC developed very quickly. I rapidly took on major responsibilities, managing large programmes, managing multicultural and interdisciplinary teams and holding leadership positions.

My life was my work! In these difficult contexts, I made friends for life. In the humanitarian sector, and particularly at the ICRC, I was part of a tribe, a family… that was hard to leave when the time came!

Lessons learned

Working for the ICRC in countries in conflict has been an extraordinary experience, both professionally and personally. I’ll admit it: I’m proud to have represented the ICRC, even if everything wasn’t always perfect!

I learnt a lot about humanity (both beautiful and terrible). Above all, I took away countless stories of resilience.

I’ve experienced laughter and tears, joy and fear, compassion and the need for emotional distance, stress and adrenalin. And the importance of meaning at work!

It was only later that I realised the extent to which my professional commitment influenced every sphere of my life. I also realised that I had little control over my career path, which depended above all on operational needs.

On a personal level, during this period I was single. Like many humanitarians, I was faced with the challenge of reconciling my professional commitment with my personal desires (taking care of myself, being in a couple, starting a family, keeping in touch with my loved ones back home).

The challenges of dual careers and geographical celibacy on expatriation.

In 2004, I met my future husband in Congo-Brazzaville. He also works in humanitarian aid.

As an expatriate couple, we had to face up to the challenges of a dual career! In 2005 we both landed a job in the same delegation in Khartoum… the day before we were due to leave, my future husband received a medical red light. I still went to Khartoum and he was sent to Afghanistan! We then experienced what is known as geographical celibacy.

In 2006, we had a joint mission: Iraq. For security reasons, we were based in Amman in Jordan and went back and forth to Iraq.

It was during this mission that we got married. A status that was labelled as an ‘obstacle’ in our respective HR files! Our international mobility was becoming more complex to manage in the eyes of our employer!

Lessons learned

Expatriation as a couple brings new challenges: combining and constantly re-evaluating each other’s needs and desires. You also need to cultivate excellent communication.

Geographical celibacy is often seen as an inevitable part of humanitarian work, but it’s no less of a challenge!

My vision of expatriation has begun to change! My choices were no longer made on my own and required adjustments by both of us. But the positive impact was that I was no longer just thinking about my work, but also about my personal life!

5 years of impatriation with a new identity and new values.

In 2007, after 13 years of expatriation under my belt, my husband and I both landed a job at ICRC headquarters in Geneva! It was a great opportunity! Just what we wanted!

We’re delighted to be back to a ‘normal life’ and to spend more time with our loved ones!

We had our two children in 2008 and 2010. Then we decided to leave Geneva and move back to the region where I’d grown up, in the countryside. I was delighted to get back to my roots and be even closer to my family and friends.

At the same time, I left the ICRC, as I was too far from headquarters with young children. I went back to teaching, but I wasn’t able to develop professionally. I needed to be able to better combine my past experiences, to ensure a good life balance and to remain in a more international environment.

For a few years I had been looking for a new career direction, but hadn’t managed to identify one. For the first time in my life, I felt completely lost, even though I’d always been able to bounce back! I finally decided to leave teaching, without really knowing what to do next!

Lessons learned

I discovered how difficult it can sometimes be to reinvent yourself, whereas up until then I’d always been able to navigate the transitions in my professional and personal life with ease.

Looking back, I realised that I could have prepared better for this return in my home country. At the time, I hadn’t realised at all how much my identity and my values had changed. Nor did I realise that I was going through several major transitions linked to major changes in my life: a return home, my new status as a parent, the decision to leave humanitarian work, the need to find a new career path that made sense to me, while at the same time finding a good life balance.

I hadn’t grasped the importance of doing some real introspection about who I had become and what I really wanted. Above all, I didn’t really know how to go about this in-depth reflection!

I’ve since learned that there are times in life when you have to question yourself. Basically, even if it’s very uncomfortable, it’s a healthy period. What I hadn’t yet realised was how important it is to get help when you feel stuck! I’ll find out later!

Expatriation as an accompanying spouse.

We thought we’d stay in Switzerland forever, but life offered us a new opportunity abroad. In 2013, my husband was given a job in New York with the ICRC!

What a synchronicity for me, who had just left my job as a teacher and was asking myself a thousand questions about what to do next, when our children were just 3 and 5 years old!

For humanitarians who have spent years working in emergency situations, New York sounds like an easy expatriation. But appearances can be misleading!

What had fundamentally changed for me was the role I had just taken on: that of accompanying spouse! It was a status full of challenges: a rupture with my professional identity, financial dependence, no framework, no social recognition, difficulties in finding my place and balance.

After years as a paid employee, society suddenly saw me as nothing more than ‘the wife of…’! ! A status that at best generates indifference, and at worst is seen as a source of trouble and additional costs for the employer of the spouse holding the professional project!

On the other hand, I was able to seize this opportunity to resume my studies at New York University. I chose to get certified in professional and personal coaching.

Thanks to my studies, I finally had some support. I also equipped myself with tools to clarify who I was and what I really wanted in all areas of my life!

This is what enabled me to find my new professional path: that of supporting humanitarians, accompanying spouses and expatriates in their development and life and career transitions.

Lessons learned

I discovered what’s at stake in the status of accompanying spouse and how ‘learning to reinvent yourself’ is absolutely crucial in this role! I’ve learned to detach myself from the gaze of others and the judgements made about this status, which is so misunderstood and even ill-famed!

Thanks to this expatriation in New York, I’ve understood that there’s no such thing as an easy or difficult expat. Above all, I realised that it’s not so much the context, but rather what’s going on inside us that influences the way we approach it.

To my great surprise, I discovered a positive culture with an approach that encourages risk-taking, entrepreneurship and values failure! A great source of inspiration!

I also realised how much I loved learning. For me, going back to school meant activating one of my main character strengths: the love of learning.

It was at this time that I realised how important it is to sometimes get help when transitioning. I experienced the benefits of coaching.

Another professionals reconversion and the creation of a mobile career.

After my year of training at New York University, I went on to get several certifications such as in group coaching, positive psychology, resilience, emotional and social intelligence… and later in burnout prevention.

And to practice my new profession, I created my own mobile business, adapted to my husband’s mobile and international career! And I thought I wasn’t cut out for entrepreneurship!

To set up my own business, I had to overcome a lot of administrative hurdles, mainly linked to my status as an accompanying spouse (visa, work permit, etc.). Fortunately, I was able to overcome them and at last I’m blossoming on all levels: professional, personal and family.

After 3 years in New York, we moved again… to Washington! What was original about this move was that it took place in the same country! My husband and I found this change easy and very positive.

However, against all expectations, it was particularly complicated for our youngest son, who was 6 at the time. He had a very hard time uprooting himself from his school, his teachers, his environment and his friends. He went through some difficult times (regression, night terrors, anxiety, etc.). Fortunately, after a few months, he finally settled into his new life and everything went back to normal.

We were able to build on this experience to ease his future life transitions, by reminding him how much he had managed to overcome this complicated period for him!

Lessons learned

I’ve discovered that being a self-employed coach also means becoming an entrepreneur! I’ve had to wear a lot of different hats and I’ve had regular training in business management, marketing, website design, SEO and so on. In the end, not only did I learn a lot from my job as a coach, but also from my status as an entrepreneur.

I loved being able to adapt my professional activity to my personal and family needs. But I’ve also realised that, even though I’m self-employed, the label of ‘accompanying spouse’ is still the first thing that people look at me for!

Since then, I’ve had a job that I love! It allows me to support people who want to make positive changes in their professional and personal lives. They all have unique backgrounds and profiles that inspire admiration! Each support is a wonderful encounter!

People always say that children are agile and adapt easily to change! And it’s true! But sometimes it’s just as important to normalise the fact that they too can face difficulties. As a parent, it’s hard not to feel guilty about imposing all these changes on your children. I’ve learnt an important lesson: resilience is built through adversity! This expat life has enabled my children to develop their resilience and adaptability… as well as becoming bilingual!

One family expatriation follows another and the distance is more real than ever.

In 2019, we’re leaving the United States for Jordan. The country where my husband and I had our first joint mission! A region I’m particularly fond of, but where working on a spouse’s visa wasn’t possible.

COVID also disrupted this period with a very harsh confinement. The family was locked in our flat for 4 months. Not to mention the many weekends spent in lock-down. The children went through 18 months of online schooling. But we came out of it stronger than ever as a family!

The distance from our parents and friends back home, and the fact that we couldn’t go home for 18 months, weighed heavily on us! The absence of a ‘home’ in Switzerland also raised questions! With children, maintaining links with grandparents back home and their roots has become an important issue.

In 2021, we’ll be moving to Yaoundé in Cameroon: we’re delighted to be back in Africa! We’re also happy to be introducing our children to this continent. We also realise just how different each African country is.

For my part, the conditions were right to continue developing my professional activity. I still feel as lucky as ever to be able to support humanitarians, expatriates and accompanying spouses with such a wide range of profiles and backgrounds. I’m growing alongside them!

This month we begin our 4th year in Yaoundé with our now teenage children. Throughout their expatriation, our teens have shown great flexibility, changing schools (and friends) 6 times and, above all, school systems 5 times. The school curriculum depends very much on the possibilities in our host countries. They are currently at a turning point in their schooling where a change of school system is no longer an option. As a result, our expatriation choices have a real impact on their future.

Another point that has changed during these years is the age of our respective parents! Now in their eighties (or thereabouts), they are increasingly faced with health problems. Last year, my husband lost his father! It’s at times like these that our decision to live as expats comes into sharp question!

Lessons learned

I realised that with each new expatriation, a new effort to reinvent myself and, above all, my professional activity is systematically necessary. I realised how key perseverance is!

I discovered what an unforgettable experience expatriation with my family is. It brings us closer together and enriches our children for life. They have become what we call Third Culture Kids (TCK)! We are fortunate that they have shown incredible resilience. They continue to focus on the positive rather than the difficult.

On the other hand, now that they’re teenagers, I’ve realised that schooling has become a crucial issue that makes our international mobility much less flexible. Unfortunately, this is also noted as an obstacle in my husband’s HR file. And yet we have no choice but to make their schooling a priority.

Over the years, I’ve also come to realise how much more difficult it has become to manage and accept the distance between us and our loved ones, especially our parents. This led us to finally buy our own flat: a pied-à-terre near Geneva to make it easier for us to visit the country while we’re still in the field and to have a place for the day we go back home.

Expatriation forever or a return back home?

For the moment, we are based in Cameroon. We don’t know what’s next yet.

For my husband, this means a bit of a career limbo and a lot of pressure on him as to where and how he’s going to move his family (his dependents, as employers often say!).

For my part, it’s also creating uncertainty about the future of my professional activity! Although I’m a nomad, I’ve learnt over the last 10 years that each new change inevitably means I have to readjust my work.

It also means that for our children, who are currently in the pivotal years of their schooling, they have to show great commitment to school in order to minimise the impact of a change of school. We are all aware that it will inevitably be at the worst time in their schooling, especially for the older one who is in the second-to-last year of his Diploma (Baccalauréat).

Expatriation or impatriation? Our wishes are clear: we want to return to Switzerland for years to come! But, as for many expats, we’re not entirely in control of this decision.

In the meantime, we’re still enjoying our life abroad. Especially as expatriation, let’s face it, is now part of my (our) DNA!

Conclusion

I wouldn’t change my life and my career for anything in the world. I’ve had some incredible experiences. I’ve learned and enriched myself along the way!

Expatriation is often perceived as a privileged life. It’s true! Expatriation gives us a huge amount of positive experiences and often enables us to live in great conditions!

However, I think that my journey shows that it’s also a lifestyle that involves major challenges. What’s more, each expatriation is very different from the next!

As I said above, however, after all these years abroad, expatriation has forged my identity and is now an integral part of my DNA.

Even if one day I go back home, I’ll always have that little expat gene deep down inside me. Just as I’ve kept the humanitarian gene, a tribe I’ve never totally left!

What about you? What lessons have you learned from your experience as an expatriate, humanitarian or accompanying spouse?